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Apr. 15th, 2008

These are real words shared by two people that love each other very much.. They moved me... So I thought to share them here... Perhaps you too can feel the strength of these words.

 She asks him... "Can you take a moment to tell me how much I mean to you? Feeling strange and alone here"

 He says to her "more than i can measure.  you are my love.  you are the love of my life.  i feel sad when you're not close enough for me to touch and i look forward to the next time i can do so.  i want to kiss you whenever you enter my mind and i see in my mind and can even feel how wonderful it is from previous encounters so i end up wanting you kiss you that much more.  i look forward to experiencing many more wonderful days with you.  you mean so much to me my love has breached boundries and chasms for you.  as i said, more than i can measure."

 She says in return “You are truly wonderful. Thank you for that my Love. You are my everything.  I can say without any shred of a doubt. With everything I have been through. With all that I have experienced in life and love. You are the very man I have shared dreams of, my thoughts of the perfect man in my life, the love I have sought out, the friendship I want to grow in. I find them all in the warmth of your embrace, in the loving gaze of your eyes, and in the tender I love yous you’d you whisper in my ear. You are the physical representation of the man in my dreams. With you in my life I am prepared for all that faces me, and with your hand in mine I am strong enough to take on the world. I am lucky to have found you. I am yours.

Tags:

~I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. Anais Nin ~
Part 1: About me
Were you a planned baby?
No. Adopted


Who was present at your birth?
Lila.

Were your parents married when you were born?
Yes. Both sets.

What is your birth date?
 6-6- Shhhh

Part 2: The Family

How would you describe your family?
Deranged

Are your parents married?
Yes, just one set.

Siblings or an only child?
Three other siblings.

Which parent do you get along with best?
Daddy

What do you fight about?
When mom is going to finally snap.

Part 3: The Friends
Do you have more than one best friend?
Of course, I am gemini I need one for every ME!

Do you share the same interests?
There are things that bring us together.

Part 4: Your Personality
How high/low is your self esteem?
If I do not believe in me, who will? You have to love yourself before you can ever really love another.

Are you an extrovert or an introvert?
Extroverted baby!

Are you happy?
Very, thank you!

Do you live life to the fullest?
Every moment of every day.

Part 5: Appearance
Are you comfortable with the way you look?
Yes, working out the kinks ;P

Do you have any piercings besides your ears?
yes. *giggles* wouldn't you like to know....

Describe your hair?
Natural curls, changing colors to suit my mood, and sassy just like me.

What make-up do you wear?
when I do... eye and lip colors...

How do you dress?
Gothic, even at work.

Part 6: The Past
Were you a strange child?
I still am in so many ways...

What did you use to love that you no longer do?
Wear a diaper :p heheheheh

Was there anything in your past that was traumatizing?
... there is not enough space here.

Part 7: The Future
What is your ambition?
To live well and set a grand example for my children.

Are you scared of growing old?
I am more afraid of the number than what it brings.

Part 8: The Outdoors
Do you prefer indoors or outdoors?
Outdoors.

Do you like walking in the rain?
With the man I love....

Part 9: Food
Are you a vegetarian?
I was.. but MMMMM cow...

What is your favorite fruit?
The kind that is chocolate covered...

What food makes you want to gag?
Brussels sprouts,  Ewww Just Ewwww

What is your favorite dessert?
Cheesecake

Are you a fussy eater?
Not at all.. I love foods

Part 10: Relationships and Love
Are you single or taken?
So very taken, my heart is his!

Do you believe in love at first sight?
Absolutely! If you can experience lust, disgust, and empathy at first sight why not love?

Part 11: Experiences
What was one of your greatest experiences?
Learning what love really is, the birth of my children.

What was one of your worst?
I would rather not....

Have you ever thought you were going to die?
Often enough.

Have you ever suffered from depression?
Suffered? I think we all suffer from it from time to time...

A. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
1. Eclectic
2. Loud ;P
3. Unforgettable
4. Comforting
5. Computer savvy
6. Artist
7. (he says) Sexy

~I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. Anais Nin ~

Easter

Wanted to say happy easter to all. IF you do not celebrate easter as a rule, take the time today to find joy in life.

Mine is good. Wishing the same for each of you!
~I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. Anais Nin ~

High on life...

When your heart thinks you are alone in life you see the world in a dark shade of light. When you heart sees the world with a bright light it is often because someone is there to make each day seem brighter. In truth the days are the same as they were before, the difference is that at the beginning of each day you get to wake up next to a loving face and a warm embrace. How can any day end badly when you have that? At the end of such a wonderful beginning you have the simple pleasure of kissing someone good night.

 
Understanding of each others dreams, interests, and day to day entanglements help you two continue for a while. What really brings you together and keeps things burning hot is shared dreams and interests. A very basic want to be in the other persons day to day, not because it is expected, but because you really do enjoy the same things.

 
I could spend endless hours staring into your face. Looking into your eyes and seeing the love that waits there for me. Sharing that love and knowing that neither of us has ever felt this deeply for another. It was all unexpected, not something we were looking for… love found us. Everything we wanted and needed in a partner without knowing we needed it.

 
I love you, you know this already. Everyday is wonderful when shared with you, you know this too. You are the man of my dreams, you know this as well. Lessons in love and life taught me who I am and prepared me for the chaos that is my life. There was nothing in the manual about you. ;p

 
Relationships in our past helped us learn what we liked and did not like in a relationship. They were precious to us and will hold their place in our past as lessons learned in the name of love. The knowledge of those things makes you all the more precious to me. You are so many things love lacked for me, and some I did not know I was missing out on. Perfection is a strong word, neither of us is perfect. But I am so much closer to it with you holding my hand then I am when I stand alone. Thank you my love for being you, the most wonderful and patient you, perfect things for the man in my life to have. ;p

 You have me.

Know when you are lucky and learn to appreciate what you have while you have it. So that when it is gone you can look at it with fondness and allow the light of that love share your everyday. My old signature…. (God that was there for five years)…. Says it all… “Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish it's source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.” ~ Anais Nin

Love me and I will love you. (The black and white version ;p)

~I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. Anais Nin ~

Music

~I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. Anais Nin ~

Love, the Heart and the Person....

My love is true. My heart is what it is, the love I have given you is all I had to give. But under the huge heart I offered, I am but a woman. A person that is breakable, fallible, and sometimes without the words to say just the right thing at just the right time.


This is mine to carry, mine to own, and mine to apologize for.


What is yours to carry is how you act and treat those that love you. If you hurt the ones you say you love, out of your own suffering, then you have found yourself no longer worthy of the love offered. And when hurt, though the heart will love you still, the woman will need to protect that heart from further pain.


I am protecting my heart from all the pain. Mistakes were made in life. People were hurt. Unintentionally on my part I assure you.


I have found a place in life I can be happy and I will hold that close. Where I am now is healing, healthy, and happy. Please be happy for me, or at the very least...


Get your own shit together and worry about your own mistakes and the Karma you face! You are not without blame in any relationship. Everyone in a relationship plays a part, take ownership for your part and grow up a little more. That is what life is about,, knowing you always have room to grow.


I will face mine.


Still in the end. I still love. I still live. I still have responsibilities that require my time.


Regardless of the love, or lack there of, in ones life... Life goes on..

~I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. Anais Nin ~

All I need...

Here's another fun blog game found at ambivablog: the need game. You google (or blingo!) your name and the word needs, all in quotes, then make a list of what you find, I just did the top five. I first tried  "Ali needs" instead, and here's what I found..

Ali needs a sig

Ali Needs a Real Challenge

Ali needs to pee

Ali needs a straw

Ali needs a home for Christmas

Then I went ahead to see what my screen name needed. I was disapointed to learn that....

Your search - "alinymph needs" - did not match any documents.

Now you're supposed to underline the ones that are true, you can see that these are all pretty true for me except a sig, I have a killer one!

This is fun. You have to try it even if you don't have a blog. Put your best results in the comments section or send them to me via e-mail. If you play on your blog, let us know in the comments section when it's up.

Scunci... I want to see your results!

Tags:

~I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. Anais Nin ~

Another day...

Okay... Well the phone died and when I plugged it in to charge last night thinking all would be well.. At some point in my computer crashed. UGH...


All messages lost and some voice mails lost on my phone. All is up now and charged.. so send me messages to my comp!


Other than the glitches in life.. all is well. The children and I are wrapping up our time together and getting ready to take them back home this weekend. I am trying ot find time for a bit of fun between cleaning up after them and work. My apologies to everyone, I have been busy with life and kids... I am trying to find routine, I think that will come when the children are back in school.


So Hugs to all! Hope you all are having a great start to your new year!

~I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. Anais Nin ~

Dec. 29th, 2007

I woke up in a great mood!

Ecstatic that I can look at my life, my day to day and see the good that is there. Even with the bumps in the road of life, I am fortunate.

With the holiday season over and settling into life and a budget, all seems sane again. My kids are here and Scunci (My David) and I are doing well to keep them entertained in such a small space. We spent Thursday eating spaghetti and drinking 'squishies' just before settling down for the Simpson's movie. All four of us on the love sack was cozy...

Today's plan is cleaning by day, Harry Potter by night!

Here is a question that was posed to me and I wanted to pass it along. Every year people make new years resolutions. If this year you could actually achieve that resolution simply by making it here on my page, what would you choose?

I would choose to continue, and more often, take the time to tell the ones I love how important they are to me. To show them I care so there is no room for regrets later in life.

SO... Having said that... I love you guys!


My focus being on my children and my home life right now, my friends and family have continued to be understanding about my lack of time. You know who you are... *hugs* thanks you!


~I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. Anais Nin ~

Living and let live.

I have a question for the general public. When is it alright to be selfish with our feelings?

Let me pose this question to you and think for a moment before you answer. When is it alright to ignore the ones you say you care for in the pursuit of emotional release?


I get messages from friends wanting clarification on my journal entries... “are you talking about me?” Or “is this about so-and-so?” Are the most common questions. Here is my most common answer for those of you who are still wondering and have not asked. Often what is here is something I have gone through and am watching a friend go through. Or in the opposite it is something that while watching another persons struggle I am struck with a moment of celerity that I try to convey here in the rare hope that is shows someone a perspective they did not see before.


Here is my answer to my posed question, feel free to comment.


In this day and age we all have blogs and journals and web pages dedicated to letting out our inner thoughts. When we start relationships we do so with good intentions, with the thought that this could go somewhere that this could be the one we spend our happily ever after with. We invite them into our online lives to share our thoughts and feelings. Relationships as we all know end, and not all of them end well. If we are lucky we can salvage a good friendship out of it. There is a limit though. When we are hurting and we post how much we hurt knowing the X is reading.... Well it is fine to do so I suppose. But when we focus our anger and pain in their direction, writing our thoughts to them as if they were still the person in our lives that fixed all our pain, this is when we have gone too far. Knowing that our words, that placing the blame entirely on them, is going to hurt them then we are no longer simply venting or releasing the emotions we are feeling. At this point we have targeted them to cause pain and in doing so loosing all site of what brought you together in the first place.


Relationships are rarely as perfect as we see them when we are in them. When break ups happen, and they do so very often, we often loose sight of what we are responsible for in the relationship. Thinking that they would have been perfect if the other person would have just done something different, at that moment we loose the reality of the situation. I have been through my share of nastiness in the last two years and the one thing I know is that I was not perfect in any of it. Mind you that there is much we do not deserve when the people we share our lives and hearts with turn angry with the pain of losing us. But we too can let that pain effect us in ways we would not like to admit to.


The bottom line, the black and white of it all. If I know that my emotional release is going to hurt you I will most likely make it so you can not read all my pain, or make it generic as possible so that you know that I am thinking about and how I am feeling in it all, but that I am not talking to you I am not specifically addressing the you and I of things, just the here and now of my life. I am talking to all people going through a tough time in life, breakup of your own or watching the pain in your lovers face as they read the ranting of there X and seeing them feeling guilty that they had a hand in that pain. The facts are there... People care for one another, the get together, they break up. In the end we have to respect the feelings and choices of the one we cared about. If in fact there was love once, why demean it with all the “what if”'s and “you hurt me”'s? This person you called your boyfriend/girlfriend has moved on in life because they needed to. In doing so perhaps found someone they love, not to hurt you but in fact completely by accident. My advice at this point is to show them the respect that the time you spent together deserves. If you cannot then you need to remove yourself from their life and allow them to move on, as you yourself must do. Knowing that the one you once cared for has fallen in love with another means that you can not send messages of reconciliation. This means that though it is never meant to hurt, their life has moved on and you have to accept your role as friend, or exit.


Here is where I say thank you to all my X's who when the time came to end our relationships could regard me as friend and though it hurt respected my new paths and relationships. Saying goodbye is never an easy task, but in many cases there is a need to let go and remove the people in your life that can not let go. If I am hurt by your blogs, journals, webpages, or however you express yourself, if they are always all about how bad I made you feel, or how horrid my choices are to you.... well then I don't want to read and my drive to salvage that friendship is diminished. Know this now... I never mean to hurt anyone with anything I say in person or online, and if I did offend I offer you my apologies. These are thoughts generically about life, with some personal wisdom thrown in.

~I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. Anais Nin ~